Good communication can improve relationships and help to increase intimacy in marriage which leads to a better sex life. Poor communication skills can cause misunderstanding, breeding anger and resentment and eventually hurting each other’s sex drives. Here are some examples of those unhealthy communication patterns that can plant the seeds of further conflicts in a relationship.
(1) Bottling up your feelings
Some people may feel that it will hurt a relationship if they are being frank or do not want to be seen as petty. As a result, they allow those unhappy feelings to accumulate until they “explode” out of a sudden in a destructive way. It is therefore healthier to discuss any unhappiness in a calm, respectful and non-accusing tone such as beginning with what you are going to say with “I”.
(2) Self denying
Instead of trying to understanding the other person’s point of view, some people act in a defensive way, denying any wrongdoing. By not admitting their own mistakes, defensive people will continue with their mistakes, thus prolonging unhappiness in a relationship.
(3) Making sweeping statements
Avoid talking in ways like, “You always……” or “You never………” By doing this, you are trying to dig up past issues and lump them together with your present ones. This only complicates matter and drives each other further away from efforts to resolve conflicts.
(4) Refusing to compromise
It is unrealistic to always have things totally in your way, seeing your own views as correct and refusing to consider the other person’s point of view. It is always better to work towards a compromise and agree to disagree. You should accept the fact that there is no always a right or a wrong and both views can be valid.
(5) Second guessing
Instead of trying to understand their partner’s thoughts and feelings, some people assume they know everything about their partners’ thoughts and worse still interpreting them negatively. This can only create further misunderstanding and increase hostility.
(6) Refusing to listen
Some people only care about wanting others to listen to them but do not have the patience to hear what the other person is talking about. By refusing to listen, you will not be able to discover the roots of the conflicts/misunderstandings thus forgoing the chances of coming up with effective solutions to your relationship problems.
(7) Blaming the other person
Some people are just too proud to admit their own faults and when any problem happens, they quickly put the blame on others. Instead, try to view the conflict as an opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess each other’s needs and work towards a solution that helps both parties.
(8) Trying to score points in an argument
Some people are afraid of losing face and keep on arguing. Relationship can only get better with mutual understanding and respect of each other’s needs. If you focus on trying to prove yourself right and the other person wrong, you will only worsen matters and “poison” your relationship.
(9) Making personal attacks
Instead of focusing on the problem, some people resort to personal attacks. This can only distract each other’s attention away from problem solving as the other person being attacked get defensive.
(10) Refusing to talk or listen
This shows disrespect and contempt to the other person. It is much better to listen and discuss things in a respectful manner.